What's disrupting my WiFi?

  • So they can put WiFi on the moon, but they can't stop it from dropping out in my home?!
  • Yeah no, I DID turn it off and on. I DID.
  • Oh come on, I'M TRYING TO CATCH UP ON "RIVERDALE" HERE

If you're reading this from the 21st Century, odds are that your goodly establishment has been decked out with some of this "WiFi" that all the kids are caterwauling about. And I dare say that you rely on this WiFi for everything from online procurements to binge-streaming. I therefore posit that you require this WiFi to be functioning at an optimal level. Well, Madams and Sirs, here are some concise advisements to help keep your house in order; in consumable listicle form, I present to you: "7 Things You Didn't Know Were Disrupting Your WiFi"!



1. HD TV

But I need the WiFi to stream the shows that I watch on the TV! Why dost thou mock me, o cruel Irony? 

 

If you have a High Definition TV, and, like everything else, it's hooked to the 'net, it's going to require a good speed and a steady signal from your WiFI, and its constant neediness may be wreaking havoc on all the other things that rely on the internet. 

You may want to try using an ethernet cable connection. Alternatively, you can try and centre your router/modem smack-bang in the middle of your home so that all of your online appliances get an equal slice of the WiFi pie. Think of it as tech-based feng sui. 


2. WALLS

Though it's easy to think of the internet as unearthly energy that can phase through anything - like Kitty Pryde of the X-Men - it's actually a signal that can be easily blocked by certain objects - like Magneto's helmet blocking Professor Xavier's telepathy NAH, YOU'RE THE NERD, SHUT UP. 

Thick walls will more than likely diminish your WiF signal, especially if they're packing anything dense such as concrete, stone or water pipes. And I've got bad news for all you little pigs out there - though your brick walls are keeping out those big bad wolves, they may also be keeping out your precious WiFis. :( 


 

3. CHRISTMAS TREES

Experts now theorise that WiFi is actually a cold-hearted miser who despises Christmas; a joyless tyrant who will be mean to the poor, expect you to work Christmas Day, and will actively stop you from texting Santa. That said, some far more knowledgable and non-fictional experts suggest that your WiFi is simply being disrupted by the lights of your Christmas Tree. 



Because fairy lights are a big ol' tangled mess of electrical wiring, they generate a sizabale electromagnetic field (I'm resisting the urge to make another X-Men reference here), and those electrically charged paricles can easily interfere with a WiFi network's radio waves. So you may need to switch those Chissy lights off for a bit, at least until your WiFi's heart has grown three sizes bigger and it learns the true meaning of the season.

4. MIRRORS

Like most of us, sometimes WiFi is feeling self-concious, and a mere glance in the mirror can make it feel like it's got a big dumb face; this will send into a retreat. Nah, jk. It's 'cause underneath all that shiny reflective glass your typical mirror is hiding a thick layer of metal, and not unlike a sturdy wall, that can also easily block your signal. But it's far more likely that your WiFi is avoiding the mirror because IT'S A VAMPIRE AND IT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FIND OUT. 

 

5. FISH TANKS


 

WiFi networks use radiowaves, and water absorbs radiowaves quicker than my big dumb face absorbs cheese. Ergo, it's not the fish themselves that are the problem, but the body of water. So that's bad news for all your survivalists who are hoarding water in your living rooms in preparation for a big E.M.P. attack. 

6. E.M.P ATTACKS

Look, if I'm being realistic, it's probably not an E.M.P. attack that's the problem. But just in case it is, you can learn more about that here.


7. LOCATION


Ultimately, your shoddy WiFi may simply be because you're not on the best plan for your area. Thankfully, that's very easy to fix - all you have to do is click through!


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